Gary Coleman, Dame Dash and Plate-Building

Me and Gary Coleman have yet another thing in common. I recently just put my divorce to bed too.

Signing the papers wasn’t traumatic at all–I was more concerned about missing my flight than the dissolve of my marriage. I wanted out in the worst imaginable way, but I wasn’t going without my son. See, here’s a free tip to all you Dads on your way to divorce court: the mistake you, Alec Baldwin and others make is getting the divorce out of spite in a huff, then leaving the child custody piece to be ironed out, or relying on the mother to do the right thing. Fuck That. If you feel you’ll make the better parent, fight for it. Fight like a muthafucka. Get your priorities right–sell those spinning rims and hire yourself a lawyer. And not no TV rent-a-lawyer, or a laywer/real estate agent, or anyone who will do it pro bono. Because they may have a law degree, but very often they will fuck you up by not reading the fine print. Hire someone who knows what the fuck they are doing. Someone who knows that, as a man, once you give the divorce, you have no cards left to hold. So play that muthafucka WELL. Spend that lawyer money. You’ll buy $200 Jordans but not pay for a lawyer? Ok. Truth to tell, you don’t need your kids anyway.

In other news, Dame Dash got his house foreclosed on! I remember meeting Dame for the first time at a Vibe event some years ago… dude was THE self-promoter, talking about building this empire. All these years later, he got it right, kinda. Hope he bounces back and keeps his crib.

Onward

Ok, the reborn Cleveland Scene just had a joint to celebrate being back in style and shit, and had the best spread I’d seen in a while…. Sushi and the whole nine. A lot of stuff I didn’t even know what the fuck it was, but it was crazy-tastey. I hate those small-ass plates they give you at shit like this, so I’ve devised a method to get the maximum use of every square inch of your plate.

Now, look at my plate:

The key here is to put food on the plate in a counter-clockwise fashion and build upwards, like the Aztecs. Food like sushi makes this easier. Plate-building is a skill budding journalist and writers will need to know as the lay-offs are coming fast and furious. When the food is free eat a lot. I mean, sure, I don’t know what it was, but I’m not dead , right?